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Dear Manay Gina,
I have a good relationship with my husband. We’ve been married for almost two years now. However, the one thing I find difficult is that he won’t tell me he loves me. When I asked him about it, he says it’s just words, and that I should know he loves me without him needing to verbalize it.
While I do know he loves me, I still feel the need to hear it, and it hurts that he can’t say it, even when it means so much to me. Am I making a big deal out of nothing?
The concept of needing to hear words of love is a legitimate and real need. And one, that must be met.
In your situation, the lack of verbal reassurance of his love is something that the two of you should discuss, as he needs to be aware of how difficult it is for you when he won’t say “I love you.” But you should also try to find evidence of his love for you in his actions if not always in his words.
It will help, if you would also tell him the very things you would like him to be able to reiterate. It is unfair to deny him words of love simply because he may not think to say them on his own. Hopefully by saying them to him, it will remind and encourage him to share such words in return.
I wish you much luck in your situation and that you be blessed with a loving marriage in thought, speech and action!
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“Words are singularly the most powerful force available to humanity. We can choose to use this force constructively with words of encouragement, or destructively using words of despair. Words have energy and power with the ability to help, to heal, to hinder, to hurt, to harm, to humiliate and to humble.”
– Yehuda Berg
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