Dear Manay Gina,
I have been in a committed relationship with a woman I love very much. Everything was going great until I picked up a notebook from her table and looked inside it. In it, she had written a note about her thoughts on her ex-boyfriend, her first real relationship. I was shocked to read of her continuing feelings for him, and that I would never replace him in her heart. I know that diaries are places where people work out all kinds of personal things that are not meant to be shared. Nonetheless, I read it, and it has been weighing heavily on me. Our relationship has not changed, and she is as loving as ever, but I feel terribly insecure. Since I obtained this information by invading her privacy, I feel like I have no right to confront her about my discovery. Please advise.
People are not supposed to snoop in private documents, but you did, and what you’ve learned you can’t unlearn.
Your best hope is to be direct – about everything. Tell her you read the note. Tell her you need clarification about obviously unresolved feelings. Tell her – for her sake as well as yours – she needs to deal with how she feels about the man who’s gone and the one who’s present. Then, listen and you will know how to proceed.
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“Honesty is the only way with anyone, when you’ll be so close as to be living inside each other’s skins.” – Lois McMaster Bujold
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Send questions to firstname.lastname@example.org (Gina de Venecia)