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Focus on people’s strengths

“Look at HIM. He thinks he’s so great.” “I can’t believe THEM. They’re sure to get a taste of their own medicine.”

“Hahaha. I can’t believe what SHE is wearing. And look at that make up!”

HIM. HER. THEY.

What have you noticed about these? These are all pointing towards other people, right? Other people other than ourselves.

Maybe for other people, this is just them telling the truth, but if we will look at it closely, this is a way to hurt other people by criticizing their actions, behaviors, and attitudes all behind their backs.

It’s all about finding fault and focusing on the wrong things about them based on your own opinion, instead of doing the same thing about yourself first so that you can grow and change for the better.

Giving criticisms is okay, but only if it’s a constructive type, meaning it’s meant to make the other person stronger and better. But, if the purpose of your criticism is to gossip, embarrass the person, or make that person feel less good about his or her self, then there is something wrong.

There is a saying that goes, “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?”

Why is it much easier to find fault in other people?

1. INSECURITY
All of us have our own insecurities. These are the things that we see in others that we ourselves don’t have. This may come in the form of characteristics, achievements, material things, or even physical appearance.

But, instead of us just being happy for them for the things that they have, we make an effort to find fault in them just so we can get even with them.

For example, maybe your previous officemate opened his own business. Instead of saying “Congratulations,” you want to say, “That’s not surprising. His parents are rich. What do you expect?”

2. YOU ARE HIDING SOMETHING
Sometimes, there are people who once did something wrong, and they don’t ever want others to find out about it. And this is why whenever they see people who have done the same mistakes, they point it out to make sure they themselves don’t get found out.

“I don’t want to sit beside him. He has a reputation of cheating!” But the truth is, you, yourself cheated last semester.

3. YOU WANT TO GET AHEAD AND BRAG
This is when the person agrees that you are indeed great at something, but he or she feels that he or she is much better. And this is why this person actively seeks out all your wrongs and faults.

This is often obvious especially with comments like, “Yeah, he speaks well. But if I were him, I would have made a PowerPoint presentation. That’s how you do it!”

4. THE NEED TO BE ACCEPTED
We all want to belong and be accepted by the people around us like our schoolmates or office friends.

But if the people that you want to be with are quick to find fault in other people, I won’t be surprised if you yourself will deliberately seek out the faults of other people and intentionally point them out to them, just for you to be accepted. Sooner or later, you’ll notice that you’re already one of them.

THINK. REFLECT. APPLY.

If I may ask, do you also have the habit of finding fault in other people? What can you do to avoid this? What can you do to be able to first offer help to others than immediately focus on their weaknesses and faults?
(Chinkee Tan)

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