Dear Manay Gina,
About two years ago, I got separated from my husband of six years. We’re just too young when we got married. Since our separation I have fallen deeply in love with another man who happens to be married. He has two children from two different women. But that doesn’t matter to me because I love him for who he is and how he makes me feel. We want desperately to be together but he can’t bring himself to hurt his wife and children. He says he would rather allow his marriage to die a slow death. I have tried to end our relationship on three different occasions because it is so painful for me, knowing how he feels about me, knowing how I feel about him, and unable to do anything about it. Each time, he begs me to be patient, says he loves me, that we can endure this.
At the same time, my ex-husband has started seeing someone else. He’s been honest with me about his relationship with this woman, and much to my surprise, I am jealous about it. I know that I don’t want to get back with him but the thought of him with someone else is very painful for me. What is wrong with me?
Let’s start with the simple one first. Your jealousy regarding your soon-to-be ex is a natural feeling having to do with territorial instincts. It’s simply a romantic rite of passage.
Now, as for your heart’s desire and your boyfriend’s request for patience, I say, borrowed husbands are usually more heartache than they’re worth. If you meant the world to this man, he would not be waiting for “a slow death” to overtake his marriage. Truth is, it’s less fuss for him to stay married and have an illicit, red-hot romance with you. Think about that.
Now, there is a chance that if you break your relationship, the death of his marriage will be put on the fast track.
But there is also the chance that if you break it off, he will do nothing – and that will be your answer.
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“If you don’’t have a righteous objective, eventually you will suffer. When you do the right thing for the right reason, the right result awaits.” – Chin-Ning Chu
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