Dear Manay Gina,
I met a man online for over a year ago. We got to the point where we were chatting more and more, until one day, he told me he loves me. He even asked me to meet him, but due to one thing or another, I haven’t been able to. The huge problem is that I found out he is planning to get married this year.
This development left me confused. I thought we were more than just friends. I also worry about his wife-to-be.
Shouldn’t she be advised that his boyfriend and I still communicate everyday. Please tell me how to handle this.
These cyber flings make people feel quite powerful – but, of course, they’re imaginary. You, as this man’s chat-mate, don’t really know him except in the most limited way. Therefore, you’ve invented him in your head according to your own blueprints. He is just a projection … as in therapy, when a patient projects a lot of feelings onto the therapist.
I would recommend leaving the fiancee alone and asking your online lover for an explanation – with no apologies for finding out about his “real” life. With luck, his having to respond will allow your fever to break.
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“Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.” – Jules de Gaultier
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Send questions to firstname.lastname@example.org (Gina de Venecia)