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Communicate for real

Dear Manay Gina,
I lost my job months ago, and until now, I’m still downhearted. However, my husband acts as if it’s nothing. He just said that I shouldn’t worry about it because he has a regular job. I know that he’s just assuring me that everything will be okay. But in saying so, he has made me feel as if my work isn’t important. I really don’t know if he understands me. I feel so upset and it’s turning into resentment towards his lack of sympathy.


Dear Tarcy,
Your husband thinks that he is offering you sympathy and comfort. He might even be surprised to find that his comments have hurt you. But of course he’s missing the point, and you should gently talk with him about it.

There’s no substitute for talking about real feelings. Tell him that you understand his comments are well-intentioned but that these paternal pats on the back aren’t helping because the real point is: “I’ve worked hard to be confident and to be a breadwinner, and my self-worth has taken a blow.”

Once you point out the discrepancy between how he has tried to comfort you and the type of empathy you’re really looking for, your husband will probably do his best to show the kind of understanding you need.


Manay Gina

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“The elegance of honesty needs no adornment.”

– Merry Browne

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Send questions to dearmanaygina@yahoo.com (Gina de Venecia)