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When people insult you

They make you feel smaller, lower – usually in the areas where they are stronger than you – at the moment. Maybe you were better off in those aspects in the past, and they resented it secretly. When they finally catch up in one aspect, they target your weak spot. They are quick in making your choices, accomplishments, and things look very insignificant – as if saying theirs are way above yours. You noticed their own weak spots many years ago – but you never made them feel that you did notice – because it never mattered to you! You respect people, just because.

Can you relate to this? What insults have been thrown at you? People who love insulting others never admit to the crime. (By the way, Pope Francis says insulting is killing; if you insult your brother, you kill him in your heart).

They have ready statements to defend their behavior by attacking you: “Why can’t you take a joke?” “It’s your problem if you are too sensitive”. They “can’t do anything if you have a low self-concept”. What? The truth is, they are the ones who have a poor self-esteem.

According to psychologists people who insult others suffer from a sense of shame that is not properly addressed. This sense of shame may be caused by parental neglect or any other traumatic childhood experience that made them feel powerless. They have a poor self-concept, so low that they resort to insulting people just to feel good about themselves!

Notice that they also have a habit of complaining about everything. Don’t expect any appreciation from them. Their things are bigger, newer, and costlier. They are more beautiful, more successful, and wealthier – at least in their own definition. Talk about egoistic habits and concerns! That’s just it. Any person who insults you or belittles you is just having an “ego stroke” at your expense. It’s like a drug to them. When they make you feel miserable, they feel powerful. They want to knock off your self-esteem. Don’t allow them!

You can not change them, but you can choose not to get affected by their behavior. You are also free to stop associating with such toxic people. As one social media post says, it does not mean you hate them. It means you love and respect yourself.

Like and share this column if you agree! Always read Tempo for articles that inform, inspire, and equip!

Marilyn Arayata: inspirational author, columnist, speaker, and former DLSU-D faculty, your partner in preventing bullying, depression, and suicide. E-mail inspire.equip@gmail.com. Like the Hope Boosters Facebook Page for nuggets of hope and inspiration. (Marilyn C. Arayata)

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