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Sexless marriage

One of my advocacies as a sex therapist is to encourage couples to have sex. Why? Because couples tend to engage in less and less sex as they go further into the relationship. Most couples think that it’s fine. Well, if we’re being really honest to ourselves, it’s actually not. It sucks. Especially when one person in the relationship wants sex, and the other does not. Hassle di ba?!

In fact, though 75% of married men are satisfied in their relationships, 50% of them are dissatisfied with their sex lives (within their respective relationships!). Don’t get me wrong, they do have sex. But just not with whom they’re supposed to have sex with! Go figure.

Married couples have sex a little bit more than once a week in the first 10 years of marriage and then decreases further after that. And 50% of marriages meet the criteria of a “sexless marriage”. What is a sexless marriage? Having sex less than 10 times a year. Grabe.

So if you find yourself part of that 50%, I tell you, you have to act now! Save your marriage before it’s too late. Huwag na ipagpabukas, gawan ng paraan, now na!

“But I don’t know what to do!” Lucky for you, I have simple and practical answers to this question. It surely won’t hurt to try these things:

1. Give more time to each other: Schedule at least an hour of alone time with your spouse three times per week. And during this time there should be no phones, no kids, no distractions. Go for a walk. Have coffee together. Exercise together or even just stare at each other. Who cares? What’s important is that you’re re-learning to enjoy the presence of one another.

2. Consciously put yourselves in the mood for sexy time: Feeling the need for sex may never come. So, don’t wait for it! Baka kung anong petsa na, wala pa rin! Know what makes you and your spouse frisky for some hot lovin’! Watch some sensual movies. 50 Shades Darker? The Other Woman? How about porn? You can try that as well. But if there’s nothing to watch, a glass or two of beer or wine can be a great sexual lubricant!

3. Literally, get away! Schedule an out of town trip with your spouse solely to have sex. Yes. Sometimes, it takes drastic measures such as this to bring that fire back. Kahit motel, pwede! As long as you put yourselves in a new environment that could help you have a fresh perspective on sex. Remember that time when everything was exciting because they were new? Go back to that by spending some time away.

These are three not-so-difficult things to help you get out of that sexless rut. Because you wouldn’t want to be sexless forever, do you? Hindi yan masayang #forever. #takeitfromthesexymind

If you have questions on love and sex that you want me to answer, you may email me at rvpcruz@ateneo.edu, message me at www.facebook.com/TheSexyMind or direct message me on Instagram _ricacruz.

(Editor’s note: Rica Cruz is a licensed psychologist and sex therapist at the Ateneo Bulatao Center. She is also a faculty member at the Ateneo de Manila University. She comes out as the resident sex therapist on Boys’ Night Out every Thursday night on Magic 89.9) (Rica Cruz)