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Coming together

Hi Ms. R,
Everytime my partner and I have sex, we always try to “come together.” But it never happens. Minsan, nakakafrustrate na. How do we achieve orgasm at the same time? Are there strategies/positions that we can try to do this? Please help us!

Thanks, Y

Hi Y,
Thank you for your question. While most people impose and still think that couples should orgasm together, it’s mere fiction. Hindi siya totoo. Don’t get me wrong. It does happen, but “simultaneous orgasms” as we call it, are more of the exception rather than the rule. So it’s basically and completely OK if you don’t achieve it. Huwag ka mafrustrate, di ka nagiisa.

The reality is, couples rarely reach the big O together. Think about this, only 75% of men always orgasm during sex, and only 25% of women orgasm during penetration. Usually, men’s orgasms last 5-10 seconds (pag swerte siya!) and women’s orgasms last around 15 seconds (when she reaches it!). So if you do the math, the chances that you’d come and scream “Yes! Yes! Yes!” together, is highly unlikely. Sorry to burst your bubble. Boo me.

However, if you and your partner are set on exploring and finding ways to achieve the rarely unachievable, at gusto niyo talagang makarating sa rurok together, here are some things that you can try to increase your chances of coming at the same time:

• Add clitoral stimulation during penetration: to quicken your way to getting to the peak together, the woman may want to add more stimulation to the clitoris. Play with it with your fingers or even toys!

• Do the bridge manoeuvre: give clitoral stimulation up to the point of, but not to orgasm. Bitinin kung baga. Then let the back and forth penile movement trigger the orgasm. This provides a ‘bridge’ between clitoral stimulation and intercourse para mas ramdam ang sarap kaysa sa sakit!

• Choose the right position: the Woman On Top or Reverse Cowgirl positions are positions that make you more inclined to climax together as they allow the woman to set the pace and receive plenty of clitoral stimulation.

• Talk to each other: Tell each other where exactly you’re at in terms of reaching the final blow. Asking each other can help you set the pace and the rhythm of the sexy act.

• Look up then practice CAT (Coital Alignment Technique).

Quite frankly, what can be more satisfying is when the woman gets her orgasm first, then the man gets his after. Through that, the man can enjoy the wetness of the woman from climaxing and it ensures that the woman gets her pleasure. That way, parehong masaya with no frustrations, di ba? #takeitfromthesexymind

If you have questions on love and sex that you want me to answer, you may email me at rvpcruz@ateneo.edu, message me atwww.facebook.com/TheSexyMind or direct message me on Instagram _ricacruz.

Biography: Rica Cruz is a Licensed Psychologist and Sex Therapist at the Ateneo Bulatao Center. She is also a Faculty Member at the Ateneo de Manila University. She comes out as the Resident Sex Therapist on Boys’ Night Out every Thursday night on Magic 89.9. (Rica Cruz)