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Vibrator gets in the way

by Rica Cruz

Hello everyone! First off, sorry for not being able to write this past week. I was at a sex conference overseas and ang hirap ng access to the Internet during transit. Hope you can forgive me!

Hi Ms. Rica,

I’m a bisexual female in my early 30s. I’ve had an orgasm before pero napapansin ko na mahirap na ako mag-orgasm ngayon. Bumili ako ng vibrator to help with my orgasm, pero hindi siya gumagana. I do masturbate, but sometimes it gets too sensitive and mas mahirap para sakin. Is that normal or should I be worried?

Frustrated Comer

Hi Frustrated Comer,

First of all, don’t worry, walang mali sayo. It’s not uncommon for women to take a long long time to get to that big O. The thing is, we’re inclined to look for that kind of orgasm that we see in the movies each time our private parts are touched – and those are more often, fake! That’s why they’re called actors. Huwag kang ma-pressure. You’ve had an orgasm before, so there’s a big chance that you’ll have it again. Relax.

As with your vibrator, it also doesn’t mean that you will get off every time you use it. Siyempre, you have to be in a special kind of sexually aroused state when you use it. Hindi pwedeng you just turn it on, put it there, and wait for the magic to happen. Nooo. It doesn’t work that way. Lalo na if your goal is to orgasm agad and not to enjoy the experience.

So what can you do? Judging from your story, here are some tips that I thought out for you:

1) Put the vibrator away. It sounds like your vibrator is making you hypersensitive. So let’s stay away from direct stimulation. Try rocking or rubbing instead. Use t-shirts, sheets, pillows, and some lubricant to lessen the sensitivity. The idea is to make the sensations less intense, para ma-enjoy mo naman.

2) Be patient. Women usually give up at around the 10 minute mark. Pero sa totoo lang, a lot of women can go up to an hour when they play with themselves. So don’t get discouraged. Get yourself in the mood and huwag kang magmadali. It’s not a race.

3) Don’t make the Big O your goal. Try to explore yourself and focus on the sensations that you feel at the moment. Kapag iniisip mo kasi ang O as your goal, may malaking chance na ma-stress ka, hence, it won’t happen.

These are just a few tips to get you going. The idea is to not pressure yourself into getting there. When you’re stressed, anxious, and distracted, mas mahirap for you to enjoy yourself. So relax, and focus on discovering yourself. As when it comes to the Big O, the more you NOT think about, the more likely you will get it. #takeitfromthesexymind

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If you have questions on love and sex that you want me to answer, you may message me at www.facebook.com/TheSexyMind or DM me on Instagram: _ricacruz.

Biography: Rica Cruz is a Licensed Psychologist and Sex Therapist. She comes out as the Resident Sex Therapist on Boys’ Night Out every Thursday night on Magic 89.9.

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