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Reclaim your independence

By: Marilyn C. Arayata

DID you wake up one day realizing that you are in a one-sided relationship and that contrary to what the other person has been telling you – he/she does not intend to change his/her ways? Was your energy drained when you realized you wasted years trying to please someone who only cares about himself/herself?

That feeling of being okay with yourself, and then someone came along and made you feel completely different. The excitement and happiness overpowered you so that you did not notice the changes in your habits. All of a sudden you cared so much what somebody else will think, and you learned to adjust so many things in order to accommodate this special person. In doing so, you lost your independence. You did not notice, or you did not mind?

But the thing is, the special person doesn’t care about “boundaries.” Everything is about him/her. Your feelings and needs are never considered. The person you willingly supported in every battle does not even lift a finger to support you. Contrary to what was shown in the early days, there is no reciprocity. This person’s sole concern seems to be power over. You are treated merely as a tool. The special person even sees you as a competitor!

The person always shows irritation and displeasure whenever you say “No.” He/she has a ready excuse whenever you ask a favor, no matter how small. To gain control, this person can distant himself/herself in a skillful way even if you are actually together. What could be more selfish than that?

Think about your welfare. Learn to say “No.” Make your own plans and choices. It’s okay if your views are different.

You don’t need to adjust or sacrifice yourself all the time in order to please anybody. You are a different person and not an extension of anybody, not even an instrument which can be disposed when it has served its purpose!

Remember how you felt okay even before someone came along and made you feel different. You are responsible for your own happiness. Reclaim your independence.

Genuine love does not extinguish the life in you!

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Marilyn Arayata: inspirational author, columnist, speaker, and former DLSU-D faculty, your partner in preventing bullying, depression, and suicide. E-mail mcarayata01@gmail.com. Like the Hope Boosters Facebook Page for nuggets of hope and inspiration.