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Too busy for sex

by Rica Cruz

Hi Ms. Rica,

I think I need help. I’m too busy to have sex. Parang nakakapagod na I have to take care of the kids, I cook, and then I also have to find time and energy to have sex with my husband. Nakakapagod. I haven’t had sex with my husband in years. Is this normal? We just had less and less intimacy after our second child. Does this mean that he’s cheating on me? Pwede ka ya iyon?

Tired and Worried

Hello Tired and Worried,

It sounds like you have a lot on your plate – kids, household, work, tapos your husband pa! Unfortunately, it seems like it’s your relationship with your husband that suffers.

As much as I hate to say it, unitentional celibacy is really a common issue in marriage, lalo na after having a family. Because of all the little things and obligations that add up and take away our attention on each other, nagiging complacent na tayo sa ating relationships, and eventually, nakakalimutan na natin na may obligasyon din tayo sa isa’t isa.

Usually, naguumpisa yan sa once a week of sexual contact, tapos magiging once a month, once every other month, hanggang maging once a year na or even none, like in your case. If this is the case, then you and your husband must’ve reached a dead zone in your bedroom… and your relationship may actually be in crisis. The fact that you’re asking if your husband is cheating means that you feel that something is amiss in your marriage. Tama ba?

Having a sexless marriage is not enough reason for you to assume that he’s cheating. But, this lack of sexual intimacy could have paved ways for other problems to arise na baka hindi niyo lang nakikita. These problems, if not addressed soon enough, could lead you to be more distant from each other, and eventually, baka to engaging in infidelity and finding another person.

So paano na? I would suggest for you take action, now. If you have issues discussing this with your partner, seek third party advice or consult with a professional therapist. It’s time to make your marriage a priority. It’s time to get that sexual energy back!

In the bedroom, try touching him more before you sleep. Hug him. Kiss him. Studies show that kissing someone more than 6 seconds can rekindle intimacy. If you’re ready to take it to another level, why don’t you masturbate with him! Opening up your sexual side to him could help him get excited about your marriage once again. #takeitfromtehsexymind

With Love and lust,

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If you have questions on love and sex that you want me to answer, you may message me atwww.facebook.com/TheSexyMind or DM me on Twitter or Instagram: @_ricacruz.

Biography: Rica Cruz is a Licensed Psychologist, Marriage Counselor, and Sex Therapist. She comes out as the Resident Psychologist on Boys’ Night Out every Thursday night on Magic 89.9.