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Porn addiction

By Rica Cruz

Dear Ms. Rica,
Please consider this po because I really need your help. My boyfriend and I are about to get married, pero we have been having less sex than usual. Ngayon po, once a month na lang, minsan wala pa. Nahuli ko siyang nagbabasa at nanonood ng porn online. When I confronted him about it, he said that he will try to stop looking at porn. Sabi niya, he believes that he is addicted to porn and that he needs help daw po. We threw all his porn away, and put a site blocker on his PC, pero what else do we do? Is he really addicted to porn? Please help.

No More Porn

Hello No More Porn,
Thank you for being honest with me. Let us focus on the two of you first: 1) You and your boyfriend are having less sex than usual, and it seems like you’re disappointed about this; and 2) your boyfriend tells you that he thinks he’s addicted to porn, and is having difficulty trying to stop watching it, tama ba?

It does sound like that your boyfriend is compulsively watching porn, and it causes your relationship severe distress, and whenever this happens, the best thing to do is ask for help. Your boyfriend may need to go to a mental health professional who focuses on sex issues to help him with strategies to overcome compulsive behaviors.

Additionaly, you may also want to go to couples therapy together to address how this issue has impacted your relationship.

Have you asked your boyfriend about what he enjoys about porn specifically? How does he feel about watching it or not watching it? Ano kaya ung pwedeng nakukuha niya from porn na hindi niya nakukuha sa iba? Most compulsive behaviors are linked to the feelings, thoughts, and other needs in a person’s life. Kung hindi niyo kaya pagusapan ang mga bagay na ito, then getting professional help is a better alternative.

Now, about your question if your boyfriend’s truly “addicted” to porn. The consensus among sex experts is that compulsive porn consumption is not a real addiction. Pero, hindi ibig sabihin noon that your boyfriend’s porn watching habits is not detrimental. In fact, porn watching has effects on the brain that can be treated through regular therapy.

Having said all of that, I think that the most important matter that you should focus on right now is yourself. Being clear about your feelings and thoughts about this situation could help you on how to proceed: What is your ideal sex life? How do you feel about pornography? If the decrease in your sex life is not due to porn, will you be able to accept his porn watching habits? How do you see your boyfriend now? Kaya mo pa ba siyang pakasalan given this issue?

Think about it. And if it gets too confusing, I really suggest that you seek professional help for this. Good luck!

#takeitfromthesexymind
With love and lust,
Rica

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If you have questions on love and sex that you want me to answer, you may message me atwww.facebook.com/TheSexyMind
Biography: Rica Cruz is a Licensed Psychologist, Marriage Counselor, and, Sex and Relationships Therapist. She comes out as the Resident Psychologist on Boys’ Night Out every Thursday night on Magic 89.9.

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