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Open relationship

by Rica Cruz

Hi Ms. Rica,

I have been with my boyfriend for the past 5 years. Last week, he was accepted to a 3 year job in Australia. Problem is, I’m still a student here and hindi ako makakasama sa kaniya. Natatakot ako na dahil matagal kaming hindi magkasama, we end up cheating on each other. We’ve talked about his and he brought up the idea of having an open relationship. I think this is also best for us. Can you help?

Open But Confused

Hello Open But Confused,

Thank you for sharing your situation with me. Mukha namang open kayo ng boyfriend mo sa isa’t isa at nakakapagusap kayo nang may tiwala at respeto. Trust, respect, and having good communication may be helpful in sustaining a long-distance and an open relationship.

What is an open relationship? An open relationship or consensual non-monogamy, the partners agree with to be with each other, but also, accept, acknowledge, and allow each other to have romantic or sexual relationships with other people. Pero, kayong dalawa ang magdedefine kung anong ibig sabihin ng “open relationship” para sa inyo. For example, it may be allowing each of you to have other sexual relationships when you’re apart, but you still honor your commitment to your romantic relationship. As long as pareho kayong may gusto, and your relationship is healthy, an open relationship may actually even help strengthen the bonds that you have with each other.

Before you and your partner have a final decision on whether or not you’ll have an open relationship, it is important that you reflect on how you two would react, individually, and as a couple, when someone starts having a sexual relationship with another person. Pwede ka bang magdevelop ng feelings for your new sexual partner? Kaya mo bang imaintain na casual and friendly lang ang ibang sexual relationships mo? Kapag may naging emotionally attached sa iba, paano niyo ito tatanggapin? It might help for the two of you to stay open and honest with each other when discussing these things. Once you’ve evaluated the situation more, and you’ve decided to go with an open relationship, here are a few tips that could help you both:

1. Be clear and straightforward when deifning the boundaries of the open relationship. Ano ang mga pwedeng gawin? Ano ang hindi pwedeng gawin? Kapag magkahiwalay lang ba kayo physically, pwede magkaroon ng open relationship? Paano kung bumisita ka? Will you ask each other for approval for other partners? For example, if you meet someone new, are you required to introduce him/her to your boyfriend and seek their approval?

2. Regularly talk to each other and check in on the status of the relationship. There are partners kasi na gusto alam nila lahat nang nangyayari. Mayroon naman na ayaw nilang malaman. So you also have to discuss to what extent should you inform each other about your respective other relationships.

3. If your open relationship allows sex with other people, you both must also be clear on safe sex practices with all sexual partners.

4. Be open minded and flexible when discussing these things over time. Remember, these are your rules, and you may change them whenever you want, as long as you both discuss and agree about it.

Kung sa tingin niyo ay mas makaka-igi sa inyong dalawa ang pagkakaroon ng open relationship, then, by all means, go ahead and be in one. However, if you feel like hindi ito makakatulong, you may want to think about how being in a long-distance relationship can satisfy both of your needs, while still being in an exclusive relationship and respecting your boundaries. Whatever you decide, what’s important is that you both agree on what it is. #takeitfromthesexymind

With love and lust,

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If you have questions on love and sex that you want me to answer, you may message me atwww.facebook.com/TheSexyMind

Biography: Rica Cruz is a Licensed Psychologist, Marriage Counselor, and, Sex and Relationships Therapist. She comes out as the Resident Psychologist on Boys’ Night Out every Thursday night on Magic 89.9.