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Dear Inang Mahal: Abused wife

By Gina de Venecia

Dear Inang Mahal,

My husband and I have been married for almost three decades. We have two boys. My husband is very controlling. Recently, his verbal abuses have turned into physical. Unfortunately for me, all our properties are under his name. For this reason, I was left with no other option but to stay. I have no money and I cannot support my children alone. He does give me some, when I need it, but I know if I leave, I will get nothing. I guess you can say I do love him but at the same time I also hate him. What can I do to make him change?


Dear Belen,

After almost thirty years, the probability that he will change is almost nil. Why? He has no need to. He is good with how things are. Studies have shown that abusive men are very resistant to rehabilitation. Even among the few, who admit they are abusive, most cannot or will not change their behavior.

You need practical help to get out of this destructive and dangerous relationship. There are services for women like yourself at the local DSWD. In 1992, together with the congressional spouses, I built The Haven for Women, with branches in all regions to help women-in-crisis. These halfway houses, under the auspices of the DSWD have already helped thousands of battered women. Visit or call them about how they may be able to help. Unless you want to continue living in fear, pain, and humiliation, make a decision to take control of your own life. You and your children can go to the Haven for Women, a shelter for battered women, Contact info: (02) 807-1591.

At The Haven, the DSWD will arrange for you to undergo therapy to help you heal from the abuse. If you have school age children, efforts will be made to return them to school.
You can also contact a lawyer who can advice you of your rights. Contact number for FLAG (Free Legal Assistance Group is (632)-920-5132.

You are entitled to half of any property or money earned during your marriage. You can file a case in court if your husband refuses to give you what is rightfully yours. If you feel you cannot do this alone, ask for help from a trusted friend or relative. You have every right to seek personal safety for yourself and your children. Do it now.
With Affection,

Manay Gina

“Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice.” – Wayne Dyer

Send questions to dear.inangmahal@gmail.com