CHANCES are, you have encountered persons whose words are like a dagger – verbally abusive road users, patients, superiors, intimate partners, or relatives. They use harsh words to feel in control. They make other people feel weak, incomplete and afraid. Some of them yell, but there are those who sound calm and meek. They make unreasonable orders. They also have the nerve to accuse others of the very thing they do – and play victim.
The intensity may surprise you at times. What are these people talking about? Why is there so much anger when you did not even do anything wrong?
Verbal abuse is defined as “the systematic, ongoing use of harmful words or sharp tones in an attempt to control another person”. Abusers use “words that seek to control, corrupt, degrade, denigrate, dominate, embarrass, exploit, induce fear or anxiety, humiliate, induce guilt, induce powerlessness, create jealousy, punish, reject, sabotage, threaten, or isolate” (Marshall).
Remember these things when you encounter verbally abusive persons.
It’s not about you. Abusers are hurting individuals who only feel powerful when they are able to inflict pain on other people. They may look confident, but they are motivated by insecurity and unresolved personal issues.
Do not let their words affect you. Avoid hitting back by saying negative words, too. If they know you are affected, the abuse will go on and escalate. A lack of desired response silences them for the moment.
They will not admit that verbal abuse is taking place. In many instances, it is hard to prove. Sometimes the attack is in the form of jokes, and they will label you as over sensitive when you confront them.
Distance yourself from them. Experts say that verbal abuse usually precedes physical abuse. They also say that if a verbally abusive person is standing while you are seated, you have to stand up so you will be on the same level. This, according to them, decreases the likelihood that you will be attacked physically.
If you are verbally abused by an intimate partner, let him know that it is unacceptable. Set your boundaries and clarify them. Let him know that you love him, but you will only stay in the relationship if you are given the respect that you deserve.
Be strong!
