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Healing takes time

Our newborn son died about two years ago. He would have been our first boy. When it happened, I suffered a breakdown, and my husband was supportive through that time. He never felt the need to go to personal therapy with me. But now that I’m doing better, he’s not. Grief seems to be making him, at different times, both depressed and angry. He doesn’t want to seek any advice, and he doesn’t want my help. What can I do?

I’m past 40 and I’m finally ready to settle down and have kids. I have a boyfriend who is a really nice guy. He definitely loves me but he’s just not sure if he’s ready to settle down. I love him too but my physical attraction to him has never been strong.

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Saving wounded men

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I’ve been seeing this guy for six months and we get along well, most of the time, but I often find myself comparing him to my ex-boyfriend, with whom I broke up after we dated on and off for five years. I ended my previous relationship because of his drug problem. He had tremendous potential but he is just a problematic guy. However, even if I have a nice relationship, I still find myself having to fight off the urge to call my ex-bf – and sometimes I give in and call. Then I feel guilty. Does my calling him mean I unconsciously want to get back with my ex?

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I have information about a fraud that he pulled off, when we were still together. Do I tell the authorities about it and watch him lose his job and possibly face a criminal charge? He would not know it was I who informed the authorities, because he thought he hid the fraud from me, too.

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I fell in and out of love several times before. I’m now in my mid 30s with a brand-new relationship. I am hoping that he will be my husband because he possesses most of the qualities that I look for in a man. However, I do feel afraid of what will happen, should this relationship fail again. I know the pain of being abandoned and honestly, I don’t want to experience another heartache again. How do I overcome this fear of being abandoned?

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There is a definite pattern in his unemployment. At first, the new job is wonderful, the people are nice, and the work is exciting. After a few months, trouble begins – invariably with his supervisor. What follows is either a dismissal or a search for the next “dream job,” where, of course, the cycle repeats again.

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