Husband as an ally, not a silent observer

Dear Manay Gina,
After having three kids and 16 years of marriage, my husband’s family still makes cutting remarks about how he married beneath him. They blame me for any minor problems our family or kids have, and I can’t take it anymore. My husband admits his family treats me badly, but he won’t stand up to them. Now, there is a family event coming. Is it okay to exclude myself from family events such as this one.

Lucille

Dear Lucille,
I think, martyrdom isn’t working in your case. So, you need your husband as an ally, not a silent observer. The Bible says, “For this cause the man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his own wife.”

About your leave from a family event, for a time it’s a good idea – not just so you can avoid further hurts, but also to bring the conflict to a head.

Your absence from family functions will force your husband to pay more attention to this dilemma. He needs to make it clear to his family that his loyalty is unequivocally yours. Perhaps it will help motivate him if he views his family’s behavior as a criticism of his own good judgment. After all, he chose you and loves you. He should stand by his decision.

Also, what actually might force a change in them would be your husband’s absence from family functions. He could offer them a trade-off, something like: me and my wife or none at all. I hope his family will respond with apologies, as well as some healing gestures toward you.
Affectionately,

Manay Gina

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“The biggest risk is not taking any risk… In a world that changing really quickly, the only strategy that is guaranteed to fail is not taking risks.” – Mark Zuckerberg

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