Dear Manay Gina,
I have a problem with my temper. I’ve been married with my husband for almost twenty years. We have three children.
The youngest is six. As times go by, I find myself becoming verbally abusive toward my husband when I’m angry. Once, I even pushed and scratched him. I’m too embarrassed to admit this problem. I’m very kind, when I’m not angry though.
This worries me. Please help.
Jing
Dear Jing,
Out-of-control anger is a dangerous thing. Unfortunately, sheer determination to stop such outbursts won’t change them. That’s why it’s important that you talk to a counselor trained in anger management skills. Also, there may be some contributing factors to your problem. Perhaps, you grew up in a home where the only acceptable emotion allowed was anger. Those who’ve grown up this way find it difficult to identify and express their feelings, so emotions build until there’s an angry torrent.
Some people, who feel trapped, criticized or ignored also get angry. When you become conscious of such patterns, you’ll be better able to keep your anger from building uncontrollably. A counselor can help you understand what happens to you internally as well as guide you in discovering healthier ways to express yourself. Or, it could be a medical problem. This type requires a consultation with a psychiatrist.
After addressing this problem, does that mean you’ll never get angry again? Of course not. But you’ll learn to choose different ways of expressing yourself so you won’t injure others verbally or otherwise.
Affectionately,
Manay Gina
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“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”
– Mark Twain
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Send questions to [email protected] (Gina de Venecia)