By: Rica Cruz
Hi Ms. Rica,
I need your help. I have a boyfriend for eight months na po, and I love him very much. He also says that he loves me very much. Pero, palagi po kaming nag-aaway. Lately, halos araw-araw na po. And we fight about everything. Feeling ko po, magkaiba kami ng gusto from the relationship. Minsan, gusto ko na lang po makipagbreak sa kaniya. The question is, should I just accept our incompatibilities and break up with him or should I try to understand him pa po?
Thank you,
C
Hi C,
Thank you for writing in. I’m sorry to hear na nahihirapan ka na in the situation. Though I do hope that you’ll feel better to know na hindi ka nagiisa. There are other people struggling to figure out if they should stay in their respective relationships or not, mostly because of incompatibilities with their partners. Pero, nakakapagod nga ang parating pag-aaway, so I do hope that a time of reflection and conversation with your boyfriend could help you decide if the relationship is worth keeping or if you should go your separate ways.
Nakausap mo na ba ang boyfriend mo about this? Mas makaka-tulong if you know that you’re on the same page – kung gusto niyong ayusin ang problema niyo. If you’re both willing and commited to make changes to make the relationship work, it might be helpful to start with listening. Makinig kayo sa isa’t isa kung ano ang gusto niyo from the relationship. Take turns on listening to each other. Rather than focusing on what you want, it may be helpful if you give time to understand how your boyfriend feels and vice versa. Give and take dapat.
Kapag alam niyo na kung anong gusto niyo sa isa’t isa, then talk about how you want the relationship to change.
Conflict and arguments are normal parts of the relationship. They are not always negative. But what matters is how you address them and how you repair the relationship in times of disagreements. These things might help:
1. Express your feelings. Huwag kayo magtago ng nararamdaman.
2. Know what you want and say it. The more specific what you want is, the better your partner will be able to understand it. Iwasan mong maging malabo.
3. Be willing to consider other factors and to compromise. Kung hindi kaya ibigay ng boyfriend mo, ano pang pwedeng gawin?
4. Stick to one topic at a time. Discussing about multiple topics at once can make the argument explode! One at a time. Isa-isa lang.
5. Avoid accusations. It’s important in a discussion to avoid blaming one another. Talk about your feelings and behaviors instead. People tend to be defensive when accused.
6. Take turns. When you’re done, it’s time for you to listen and give your undivided attention to him. Let him talk too!
I hope these things could help. Kung hindi pa rin kaya, baka makatulong if you go to relationship counseling or have an outside person/mediator help you reconcile your differences. It takes work to sustain a relationship and this depends on both the partner’s willingness to change. So it is also important to see kung gusto ba talaga ng boyfriend mong ayusin ang problema niyo. Kasi kung hindi, then, it may be time to move on. #takeitfromthesexymind
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If you have questions on love and sex that you want me to answer, you may message me atwww.facebook.com/TheSexyMind or DM me on Instagram: _ricacruz.
Biography: Rica Cruz is a Licensed Psychologist and Sex Therapist. She comes out as the Resident Sex Therapist on Boys’ Night Out every Thursday night on Magic 89.9.
