By: Rica Cruz
Hi Ms Rica:
I desperately need your help. My girlfriend and I broke up 11 months ago, and she’s now seeing someone new. The problem is, I can’t seem to stop looking at her social media accounts and it hurts me whenever I see their photos.
Please help me stop stalking her.
Thank you,
C
Hi C,
I know that ending a relationship is a painful experience to go through. There are times that it can also leave you disoriented, not knowing what to do next. Very often, leaving a relationship creates a big void in your life that try to fill through coping in different ways.
In your case, it seems like the way you cope is through constantly visiting her social media accounts. Taking from what you’ve described, it seems like the breakup has been difficult for you.
Do know that it is common to experience a variety of emotions – from denial, anger, sadness, fear, guilt, to self-blame – and it’s also normal to not know how to deal with these feelings.
But the fact that you’re already looking for ways to change this behavior is a positive indication that you’re slowly opening yourself to refocus and moving forward with your life.
There are several approaches to start processing your feelings and be able to let them go. Below are some strategies that you can consider:
– Self-reflection: Ask yourself why you want to know about your ex and her life. Are you looking for closure? Are you jealous of her happiness? Are you angry at her? Are you still in love with her? This type of inquiry will help you understand the motivations behind your “cyber-stalking” and hopefully aide you in moving forward.
– Look for support: Build resiliency by turning to your family and friends. Put more energy and effort into building positive relationships with the people around you who can give you support. Know that you are not alone.
– Practice self care: Put yourself first in all aspects – physically and emotionally. Do what you want to do. Spend more time on hobbies that you enjoy. Be more physically active. Eat healthy. Get more sleep.
– Celebrate goals: Do something daily that would help give you a sense of accomplishment. Create small goals each day. For example, tell yourself that you will not look at her Instagram account for today, and by the end of the day, reward yourself for doing it!
– Write! Do you have a journal? Well, maybe it’s the time to have one. Writing in a journal is a healthy way to process your thoughts and feelings, which could help you overcome negativity about your ex girlfriend. Pour and write your heart out.
Aside from these, if you’re spiritual, you may find it comforting to be more in touch with your spiritual side. Go to your church and pray. Seek out nature and meditate. These could help you be more focused on the present and let go of the past. If these won’t work, you may want to seek counseling from mental health professionals like me!
Whatever you decide to do, just remember that there’s no other time to move forward than now. #takeitfromthesexymind
* * *
If you have questions on love and sex that you want me to answer, you may message me a twww.facebook.com/TheSexyMind or DM me on Instagram: _ricacruz.
Biography: Rica Cruz is a Licensed Psychologist and Sex Therapist. She comes out as the Resident Sex Therapist on Boys’ Night Out every Thursday night on Magic 89.9.
