By: Rica Cruz
Dear Ms. Rica:
I heard you on the radio and you said that it’s normal for people to fantasize about another person during sex. Hindi ba cheating na ‘yun? I have a boyfriend and I would feel bad if I find out that he’s fantasizing about other women.
If you are content with your sexual relationship, why would you fantasize about someone else?
Monogamous Fantasizer
Hello Monogamous Fantasizer,
Saying it’s normal does not imply that everybody’s doing it. Ang ibig sabihin lang ay, if you’re doing it, then it’s nothing to worry about.
There are different kinds of sexual fantasies – some positive and some negative.
People fantasize mainly because they find pleasure in it. Some people have elaborate and outrageous fantasies, while others don’t. Some people find it pleasurable to fantasize about sex with their partners.
Ung iba naman, they fantasize about other people’s partners or other partners. But of course, there are also people who think it’s wrong to fantasize about anything that concerns sex. So they try not to fantasize at all.
According to studies, men are more likely to fantasize or admit to fantasizing over women. But they do it in varying degrees. Some men have sexual fantasies a number of times each day, while others can go on for weeks without having any fantasies.
Studies show that men who put significance on their sex lives have more sexual thoughts and fantasies.
I think that what you have to remember is that, even if your boyfriend fantasizes about other people, it doesn’t mean that he acts on his fantasies with someone else.
He’s merely using his imagination to turn himself on to satisfy the both of you. Hindi rin ibig sabihin that he loves you less, nor that he’s cheating, if he does fantasize about someone else.
Now, the only way to know the nature of your boyfriend’s fantasies is to be open about it. Sharing fantasies with one another can have potential benefits, such as boosting your sex lives, increased arousal and excitement during sex, and becoming closer to one another. However, if one of you is not secure, it could give you feelings of rejection, jealousy, and disappointment.
From the tone of what you wrote me, it wouldn’t be a good idea to talk about your boyfriend’s fantasies, until you’re secure about yourself and how much he loves you.
Try not to fret too much if he fantasizes about someone else, instead, focus on how turned on he is when he’s pleasuring you during that sexy play. #takeitfromthesexymind
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If you have questions on love and sex that you want me to answer, you may message me at www.facebook.com/TheSexyMind or DM me on Instagram:_ricacruz.
Biography: Rica Cruz is a Licensed Psychologist and Sex Therapist. She comes out as the Resident Sex Therapist on Boys’ Night Out every Thursday night on Magic 89.9.
