By: Rica Cruz
Dear Rica:
Could you help me please? I’m married and I don’t know if it’s healthy or starting to be unhealthy. Paano ba malalaman?
Thank you,
Unknown Health
Hi Unknown Health:
Believe it or not, I’ve been getting the same concerns as yours from other readers.
And it’s probably because we were taught to stick it out and stay committed to our relationships regardless of its health status. Hindi talaga tayo tinuruan kung ano ba ang healthy at hindi healthy na relasyon. Kaya kahit toxic na and relationship, we still think that it’s normal and healthy. Think: “Ganiyan talaga ang buhay mag-asawa!”
So here are some signs taken from studies and research in relationships to evaluate if you’re in a healthy or an unhealthy relationship:
If you’re in a healthy relationship, you:
• Have respect towards each other.
• Feel comfortable and secure.
• Support one another.
• Trust each other.
• Enjoy time spent together.
• Take genuine interest in each other’s days and lives.
• Have an open and honest communication.
• Engage in consensual sexual activities.
• Encourage other friendships and individuality.
• Have separate e-mail, social media accounts.
• Have a mutual agreement about finances.
• Share responsibilities.
• Have more good times than bad.
If you’re in an unhealthy relationship, either one or both of you:
• Are afraid of the other partner.
• Manipulates the other partner.
• Demeans and makes the other person feel bad.
• Feel that you’re in a competition.
• Call the other names and deregatory labels.
• Dictate how the other should make friends.
• Controls how the other behaves or even dress.
• Have no time for the other partner.
• Criticize the actions of the partner.
• Discourages being with other people.
• Ignore each other.
• Are jealous of the other person’s achievements.
• Harm or threaten other family members.
• Uses emotional blackmail, victim blaming in arguments.
• Uses physical force over the other.
These are just some things to check if you’re in a healthy or unhealthy marriage.
Sometimes, it’s not easy to accept that the marriage is at the verge of being unhealthy or troublesome. But if you feel constantly uncomfortable within the relationship as opposed to feeling safe and secure, then maybe it’s time for you and your partner to stop and reassess your marriage.
What has happened throughout your marriage? May nagbago ba? Are you going through something stressful that needs to be addressed? What in particular is bothering you to question the status of your marriage? What would you like to change?
I suggest that you talk over these questions with your partner or with someone you feel comfortable with. If necessary, it may be helpful for you to go through marriage counselling so you both will have a clearer picture of what’s going on in your marriage. Good luck! #takeitfromthesexymind.
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If you have questions on love and sex that you want me to answer, you may message me at www.facebook.com/TheSexyMind or DM me on Instagram: _ricacruz.
Biography: Rica Cruz is a Licensed Psychologist and Sex Therapist. She comes out as the Resident Sex Therapist on Boys’ Night Out every Thursday night on Magic 89.9.
