by Atty. Ignacio R. Bunye
Happy Easter!
During the Lenten season, I could not help but fondly remember Jaime Cardinal Sin. This one-of-a-kind religious leader had many virtuous. But perhaps, his sense of humor (sometimes off color) is not as well known to many.
Allow me to share some jokes which I heard from the good Cardinal.
On the 6th commandment: An observant priest could not help noticing the distinct reactions of one his parishioners who was seated in the front pew while he delivered his sermon. The priest was talking about the deadly sins.
So as soon as the mass ended, the priest made it a point to approach the young parishioner.
Priest: Young man, I observed you very closely while I was delivering my sermon. When I mentioned “Thou shalt not steal”, you looked very sad. Why, my son?
Parishioner: Father, somebody stole my favorite jacket. That’s why I became sad.
Priest: What about when I said “Thou shalt not commit adultery”? All of a sudden, you looked happy. Why my son?
Parishioner: My jacket was not stolen after all, Father. You just reminded me where I left it!
On forgiveness: A middle-aged businessman, a self-proclaimed atheist, all of a sudden experienced a change of heart.
He wanted to be converted. He approached the town’s priest and told the latter of his desire.
Priest: When was the last time you went to church?
Businessman: I don’t remember ever going to church.
Priest: Do you know any prayers?
Businessman: I am sorry Father. I have not prayed at all.
Priest: Do you want me to teach you initially The Lord’s Prayer?
Businessman: Yes, I do, Father.
Please teach me.
Priest: Please repeat after me. But remember to say everything with all your heart.
The priest recites the Lord’s Prayer, phrase by phrase, and the businessman dutifully repeated every word, eyes closed, until they reached this part:
Priest: Forgive us our debts…
Businessman: Forgive us our debts…
Priest: As we forgive our debtors…
Businessman, (hesitates): I am sorry, Father. I can not do that. Bad for business.
Dying on the Cross: On his death bed, a billionaire old bachelor was surrounded by his relatives, mostly nephews and nieces, whom he had summoned.
Dying man: Is everybody here?
All: Yes, Uncle.
Dying man: I am dying. Don’t worry. You will all be provided for in accordance with my last will. But I just have one wish.
All: What is it, Uncle.
Dying man: J… please stand to my left.
J obeys.
Dying man: Y… please stand to my right.
Y obeys.
The dying man had long suspected J and Y of stealing from his business.
Dying man: (looks at ceiling, spreads his arms, and said his last) Thank you, Father. Now I can die like your Son.
On being relatives: Cardinal Sin: Mayor, do you know that we are relatives?
Me (taken aback): My paternal grandmother had Chinese blood. But how are we related, Your Eminence?
Cardinal Sin: What is your last name?
Me: Bunye, your Eminence.
Cardinal Sin: There you are. Don’t you know that everybody calls me AngKanyangKa-BUNYI-an.
Marriage Vow Renewal: (This one I heard from Monsignor Tom Gonzalez, an admirer of Cardinal Sin and our long-time former parish priest in San Roque Parish of Alabang.)
During the marriage renewal of a couple, the officiating priest asked them what they liked in each other.
The man said:She has a long list of traits, Father.
Priest: Go on.
Man:
She is A. Adorable.
She is B. Beautiful.
She is C. Charming.
She is D. Delightful.
She is E. Elegant.
Priest:Go on.
Man:
She is F. Fun.
She is G. Gorgeous.
Priest:Ok. So what do I, J and K stand for?
Man: (Pauses… could not find the right words) replies:
I’m Just Kidding, Father.
Note: You may email us at [email protected]. You may also “like” us on Facebook at “Speaking Out”.