By Rica Cruz
Hi Ms. Rica,
Two months ago po, I met this super okay na guy. At first, we’re so happy and always together. But now, he wants to spend every weekend together, and even on worknights, he wants to be with me. Minsan po, I don’t get to be with my friends anymore because he just wants us to spend time together. Ayoko pong sabihin sa kaniya, but honestly, nasasakal na po ako. There are times na I just tell him na may sakit ako para di ko siya makita. He’s a very nice guy and I love him, and I want our relationship to work, pero paano po ito?
Help please!
Cannot Breathe
Hello Cannot Breathe,
It’s so exciting to find new love that sometimes, we get to forget how important “me time” is. Hindi ka nagiisa in wanting to have time for yourself and even your friends to grow as a person. Spending all the free time that you have with your partner may make you feel that your life revolves around each other, pero siyempre, that’s not the case.
Every relationship has its ups and downs, and being able to go through each obstacle is vital in making a relationship last. What you need then for you to be able to get through this now is honest communication.
Mukha namang your boyfriend has expressed his needs about spending time clearly to you. Now, it’s your turn to do the same. But before you do that, I would suggest that you consider the following:
• Reflect on what you want. Kung ikaw ang masusunod, how much time do you want to spend with him? What are the activities that you want to do with him? Would you like to spend time with him together with your friends?
• Don’t be afraid of conflict. Like what I said, each relationship has its ups and downs, and conflict can actually help make a relationship stronger. It’s okay to disagree from time to time. Huwag kang matakot na mag-away kayo. As long as it’s done in a healthy manner, kailangan niyo yun.
• Communicate honestly. Relationships suffer when even one partner does not communicate honestly. Sabihin mo sa kaniya kung anong nararamdaman mo. But be careful not to use any harsh or demeaning language. Use “I” statements, instead of “You” statements. For example, you may say “I feel na I don’t have time for myself anymore” instead of saying “You’re so clingy.”
• Remind each other that you love each other. Make sure that you tell him that you still love him and asking for more space does not mean that you don’t want to be with him anymore. When you’re not together, you may help him get through by texting him from time to time or sending photos of what you’re doing. Also, planning a date night every week, and reassuring him that this time is solely for your relationship, could help him adjust better.
Whatever you decide to do, it’s better to address this problem now, early in the relationship before it gets worse. Baka kasi ang feeling mo ng pagkakasakal may lead to frustration then to anger in the future na mas mahirap i-resolve. So, take care of yourself and your relationship as soon as possible. #takeitfromthesexymind
With love and lust,
Rica
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If you have questions on love and sex that you want me to answer, you may message me atwww.facebook.com/TheSexyMind
Biography: Rica Cruz is a Licensed Psychologist, Marriage Counselor, and, Sex and Relationships Therapist. She comes out as the Resident Psychologist on Boys’ Night Out every Thursday night on Magic 89.9.
