By GINA DE VENECIA
Dear Inang Mahal,
Over a year ago, my husband had a one-time fling. I didn’t find out about it until nine months later, and in the nine months, he completely changed: Quit drinking, started being a better father, and basically became a much better person.
I really love him and I’m not the type to stay for kids’ sake. My problem is: I just don’t know if I can forget his unfaithfulness. We have been together since I was 16 and he was 17; we are now in our late 20s. Every day the pain of the whole thing is so much. Do you think I’m just wasting my time?
Reden
Dear Reden,
Fidelity is the rock on which a good marriage is based. You mentioned that your husband had a “one time fling,” which is obviously a broken promise to remain faithful to you.
I don’t think you’re wasting your time, and here is the reason: Your husband felt genuine contrition about stepping out and tried to make the marriage better – and succeeded. It’s not as if you caught him and he had to shape up because there was a gun to his head. Many couples overcome serious hurts when they’re your age and go on to long and fulfilling marriages. No one would say it was exactly a blessing that your husband got together with the girl, but it did bring about some positive change
It is a mistake which he seems to be atoning for, but nothing is out in the open. I suggest confronting him with the facts and giving him the opportunity to ask for your forgiveness and to assure you it will not happen again. If you both want the marriage to work, this openness can strengthen the relationship.
Keeping yourself in the dark and trying to forget what happened seems like a bad idea.
With affection,
Manay Gina
“Forgiveness is almost a selfish act because of its immense benefits to the one who forgives.” – Lawana Blackwell
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