By GINA DE VENECIA
Dear Manay Gina,
How can I form a good relationship with my in-laws? I’ve been happily married for five years and have smiled through every family encounter trying to be the polite, well-mannered daughter-in-law. My mother-in-law is a gossip whose main topic of conversation is people I don’t know. My father-in-law prefers asking about our personal finances and criticizing our expenditures. They’ve both told me that I need to take better care of their son, and they blame me for health problems he developed before we were married. Lately the subtle disapproval has turned to spite; canceling plans at the last minute and “forgetting” to invite us to a family birthday party. This coming month, I’m facing a period of anniversaries, birthdays, etc. What can I do to get on better terms with my husband’s parents?
Leila
Dear Leila,
You have my sympathies. You must be a saint not to have told them where to go and how to get there. And the “subtle disapproval” isn’t so subtle.
You married your husband, not his family. Is he aware that they treat you badly? If not, please tell him what they say and how it hurts you.
If he knows and allows it to happen, you share the problem and need to solve it as a couple. Discuss how you can address the issue, plan what to do to communicate your dissatisfaction to your in laws, and implement the plan.
If their behavior does not improve, consider cutting your ties with them. Everyone deserves to be treated with consideration and respect.
Regarding the upcoming events, try to hang with others in the family. Your giving them the cold shoulder might wake them up. Frost sometimes has that effect.
With Affection,
Manay Gina
“A growing relationship can only be nurtured by genuineness.” – Leo F. Buscaglia
Send questions to [email protected].
