Dear Manay Gina,
I feel trapped in my marriage with a two-timing husband. I already caught him having an affair 10 years ago. After a brief separation, we have reconciled and our marriage has greatly improved. This time however, I just found out, that he is engaged in another affair, although he lies about it and says it’s just a friendship thing. It is very hard for me to believe that he would do this considering our history. We’ve been married for almost 40 years and I do not want to break the family up, but neither can I live with a liar and a cheater.
Minnie
Dear Minnie,
Infidelity is one of the most painful things that can happen to a relationship. And as we get older, it becomes more and more difficult to muster up the necessary energy to simply keep a relationship going.
Considering you’ve been married for 40 years and you do not want to break up the family, perhaps tell him to get himself a little apartment and you’ll stay in the house.
Permanent separation need not enter into the picture. You say you don’t wish to “live with” a liar and a cheater, and so you shouldn’t have to.
Just have a lawyer draw up an agreement regarding finances so that old Romeo doesn’t loot any bank accounts. That way, he can pursue his “friendship thing” without your having to live a lie.
And you also send a clear message that if he won’t reform, he better shape-up or ship out. Now, if you really want to be big about it, invite him to family affairs, then send him home at the end of the evening.
Cheating is cheating. It might be hard on your kids but if they don’t learn what makes a healthy relationship then they’ll end up repeating what they learned from you and your husband.
With affection,
Manay Gina
“You hurt your spouse, not so much by the infidelity, but by the negative feelings about yourself that you bring home” – Michael Zaslow
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