Hi Ma’am Rica,
I’m 21-years-old and I have a boyfriend of six months. Sa kaniya ko po binigay ang virginity ko. At first, I didn’t want to kasi gusto ko po maghintay until marriage. Pero dahil po sa persistent niyang pakikiusap, nag-give in ako. Now, I regret my decision. Nagui-guilty po ako kasi I know that we’re doing something wrong and I want to stop having sex with him. Paano ko po kaya sasabihin sa kaniya to without hurting his feelings? Please help me.
Shameful
Hi Shameful,
Thank you for being honest with me. It is true that conversations about sex with your partner can be scary, lalo na kung alam mong magkaiba kayo ng gusto regarding your sexual relationship.
However, it is really important to have this talk with your boyfriend as soon as possible. Also, there’s no need to be shameful. You feel what you feel and there’s nothing to be ashamed about it.
Dapat nga ay proud ka that you’re in touch with your thoughts and feelings and that you want to do something about it.
Having said that, talking openly with your boyfriend about your feelings is a crucial step for your well-being. Huwag kang mahiya at matakot sa kung ano ang maiisip at mararamdaman niya.
In a relationship, dapat ay mayroon kayong respeto sa isa’t isa that creates your safe-space with each other.
If you’re still feeling lost kung paano mo siya kakausapin at kung ano ang iyong puwedeng sabihin you may want to consider the following:
- Set a date. Mas makakatulong kung mayroon kang deadline para sa iyong sarili kung kailan mo siya kakausapin. As I’ve said, you must speak to him as early as you can para hindi na mapatagal ang pagiisip mo. Also, the more that you have sex with him while feeling guilty, the more that you may resent him – which is bad for your emotional health and your relationship.
- Think about your wants and needs. Ano ba ang gusto mo with your relationship? Ano ba ang ayaw mo? Why is not having sex important to you at the moment? In terms of your physical relationship with him, what are your boundaries moving forward.
- Don’t forget to speak and listen with openness. Remember that you are both adults and you both chose to enter into an adult relationship. Hence, it is important na pagnagusap kayo, you treat each other as adults. As you’ll have a chance to speak and be honest with him, you should also give him a moment to share with you what he feels. And then both of you can go from there. Remember that respect goes a long way.
If it still scares you to talk to him, it might help to get support from your friends. Remember, your thoughts and your feelings are the most important aspects that you should deal with and that you are not alone. Hope it helps!
With Love and Lust,
Rica
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If you have questions on love and sex that you want me to answer, you may message me at www.facebook.com/TheSexyMind or DM me at IG and Twitter @_ricacruz.
Biography: Rica Cruz is a Licensed Psychologist, Marriage Counselor, and, Sex and Relationships Therapist. She comes out as the Resident Psychologist on Boys’ Night Out every Thursday night on Magic 89.9.
