Dear Manay Gina,
I am very concerned with my best-friend. She is now back with her husband, who has abused her in the past. After hearing her stories, Ipoured my heart into giving her the best advice on how to stand up and be strong. Now, she is back with that guy, who was so mean to her, and when Iasked her about it, she evaded the question and just laughed. Her reaction left me confused and a little irritated. Where do Igo from here?
Lyn
Dear Lyn,
You have just learned that in some instances, it is best to do more listening than advising. Exactly because, when a person ignores your wisdom, you feel hurt. So, next time, try not to have any expectation other than helping her achieve more safety.
From an outsider’s point of view, it is nearly impossible to understand why a woman might return to an abusive relationship. A battered woman goes back to her abuser when there are children involved, in the belief that doing so is the only way to protect her children. Or, sometimes, as a result of abuse, her self-esteem has been damaged and she lacks the confidence to maintain her independence.
Now that your friend is back to her husband, I guess your stance should be nothing but to wish her well. And stay happy if she is. As a friend however, you should stay open because if she truly is in abusive marriage, chances are, she will need you again.
With affection,
Manay Gina
“Bullies want to abuse you. Instead of allowing that, you can use them as your personal motivators. Power up and let the bully eat your dust.” – Nick Vujicic
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