My teen son has porn! What should I do?

Hi Ms. Rica,

I’m an avid listener of you po. Tanong ko lang kung OK lang ba if I give my 14-year-old son “magazines?” Nakita ko kasi sa kwarto niya na he has porn, so naisip ko po na to open the conversa­tion reregaluhan ko siya ng men’s magazine. Some of my friends say na huwag daw kasi baka isipin niya na pinupush ko siya to be sexu­ally active. But I just want to make sure that he does things right so I really want to talk to him. Am I being too “mommy-ish”? Should I just let him discover things on his own?

Mommy Knows

Hi Mommy Knows!

First off, let me commend you for wanting to guide your son on sexual matters. Medyo madalang kasi yan sa culture natin because most parents do not talk to their children about sex. Kaya sobrang galing ng gusto mong gawin. Congratulations momma! Sana ay magkaroon ng mas madami pang magulang na tulad mo.

I don’t think you’re being mommy-ish. I understand that you just want the best for your son, and the best includes giving him the right information. If you just let him discover things on his own, mahirap na. Because usually, teens get information from their peers, and in the case of sexual matters, him learning from his peers would be a case of the blind leading the blind. Kaya kailangan, sa mga magulang o nakakatanda talaga nanggaling ang impormasyon.

I know it can be awkward to talk about sex with your son at first. Lalo na you’re the mom and baka mahiya siya to open up. If that’s the case, you may want to ask the dad to do it. Kung si daddy ang magbibigay sa kaniya ng magazines, baka mas maka-relate sila sa isa’t isa! Though if you’re a single parent and daddy is not in the picture, pwede ka magpatulong sa mga tito niya o kaya sa mga kaibigan mong boys.

If you have no other choice but to talk to him yourself, it may be helpful to approach the topic casually – ung parang hindi pinagplanuhan. Pwedeng habang nanonood ng TV at may mga sexy scenes, you can casually ask questions such as “Have you ever tried that? Or done that?” You can also approach it in a light and jokingly manner. Pwedeng pag-uwi mo ay abutan mo siya ng condoms and jokingly sa “in case you need them.”

Any approach that you’re com­fortable with will do. Ang impor­tante ay mabukas mo ang conver­sation with him at malaman niya na OK lang to talk to you about sexual matters.

Don’t think that you’re pushing him to have sex by talking to him about sex. Remember, he’s get­ting older, and it is highly likely he will have sex eventually – with or without guidance. So better with than without.

Good luck!

With Love and Lust,

Rica

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If you have questions on love and sex that you want me to answer, you may message me at www.facebook.com/TheSexy­Mind or DM me at IG and Twitter @_ricacruz.

Biography: Rica Cruz is a Li­censed Psychologist, Marriage Counselor, and, Sex and Relation­ships Therapist. She comes out as the Resident Psychologist on Boys’ Night Out every Thursday night on Magic 89.9.