Dear Manay Gina,
Last year, I had a falling-out with my in-laws. I won’t go into details, but it caused a rift between me and my husband. They never apologized, but I have forgiven them. However, I still find it hard to trust them. And because there is still tension in my marriage, I feel very uncomfortable. This becomes more apparent at family get-togethers, where my mother-in-law always hug me and say terms of endearment. Those were not easy for me and I would like to know how to politely and graciously react.
Malou
Dear Malou,
You have to make it your goal to make peace with your in-laws because whether you like it or not, they’re family now. And heaven knows, this only becomes more and more important once grandchildren are added to the mix.
In your case, it is entirely possible that your mother-in-law genuinely wants to make amends with you. For her actions, I believe, the best way for you to respond is to say, “How nice. Thank you” – a pleasant, respectful, non-committal statement that might demonstrate the polite distance you would like for her to adopt.
Disagreement is a part of a healthy family dynamic. But harmony can be achieved in a family environment when people are respectful of each others’ beliefs, opinions and feelings, and when they are able to accept that there will be differences, and sometimes criticisms. So deal with it, wisely.
With affection,
Manay Gina
“Being polite and grateful will make people more inclined to help you. And if people are willing to help you, you may accidentally get something you want.” – Jason Sudeikis
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