Silent cheating

Hi Ms. Rica,

I’ve been cheating on my boyfriend with different men. Gusto ko na po tumigil kasi alam kong unfair para sa kaniya. Kailangan ko po bang sabihin sa kaniya para matulungan niya ako?

Thank you,

Silent Cheater

Hi Silent Cheater,

Madaming tao ang may gani­tong dilemma – should they say or should they just keep it. Most men have this “huwag kang aamin” rule. Sabi nila, ka­hit anong mangyari, kahit mahuli ka, huwag ka raw aamin. Pero mas makakatulong ba iyon?

From my perspective, there are different ways that this could play out. You could either say, not say, be discovered. Ano ang puwedeng mangyari in each of the situation? What do you think could be the advantages and dis­advantages of each?

In studies, sabi nila that the way one person finds out about the infidelity of the other partner has a significant impact on the relationship. How?

Research says that if the cheat­ing partner discloses the informa­tion voluntarily, the relationship has more chances of surviving, as opposed to the non-cheating partner finding out about the in­fidelity some other way. Kaya ka­pag sa iyo mismo manggagaling ang impormasyon, mas makaka­buti ito sa inyong relasyon, kaysa kapag malaman niya sa ibang paraan.

So ano ang mas gusto mo? Ikaw lang naman kasi ang makakasagot niyan. Puwede kang pumili sa ganitong scenario:

• If you do not tell him: Given that he won’t find out any other way, you may spare him from the hurt that he could feel. Pero teka, wala ka bang ebidensiya na pakalat-kalat? Sure ka ba ta­laga na hindi niya malalaman? Also, if there are things that you can never share with him, it might create a distance between the two of you and could hinder you being close to one another. That distance could eventually drift you further apart from one another.
• If you do tell him: When you tell him, studies say that you may feel good about that choice. Bakit? Because being honest and tell him could come from your respect for him, for the relationship, and for your­self. As I’ve said kanina, stud­ies show that there’s a better chance for the relationship if the cheating partner discloses without being asked. It not only shows that you’re remorseful for what happened, but it also shows that you’re ready to be honest moving forward.

Reflect on what you want to happen. In both cases, mayroon at mayroong masasaktan. Do what you think is best for the both of you. Good luck!

Good luck,
Rica

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If you have questions on love and sex that you want me to answer, you may message me at www.facebook.com/TheSexyMind or DM me on Instagram: @_ricacruz.

Biography: Rica Cruz is a Licensed Psychologist and Sex Therapist. She comes out as the Resident Sex Therapist on Boys’ Night Out every Thursday night on Magic 89.9.