Unaroused

Hi Ms. Rica,

I am an avid reader of your column. Hindi na po ako naarouse sa asawa ko. Kahit nagsesex kami, nakaka-walang gana. Minsan, ayoko na pong makipagsex sa kaniya pero natatakot ako na baka sa iba siya magpunta. Ano pong pwedeng gawin?

Thanks,

Tired Wife

Hi Tired Wife,

I’m sorry that you feel that way. In marriages, anything bad, kahit sex, affects the whole relationship. But, it doesn’t have to be that way. Here are some things that you can do to get out of that bad sex cycle:

1. Communicate! Be honest and talk about how you feel. Set aside time to stay emotionally connected. Kapag alam na niya kung anong nararamdaman mo, then he can do something about it. Sabihin mo sa kaniya kung ano ang masarap para sa’yo at kung ano ang hindi.
2. Enjoy your sexy time. When you have sexy time, try to focus on your hubby’s touch and smell, and how all these make you feel. Don’t you think that would be unfair to you na siya lang ang nageenjoy? Do things that would pleasure you! If you want him to do something for you, then say it. If you want to touch yourself during the act, then do it! Ang importante, pareho kayong nag-e-enjoy.
3. Have fun by yourself. If you can’t enjoy your sexy time with your husband, then at the very least, have fun with yourself and by yourself. Explore what would make you aroused and excited for him. Minsan kasi, we just need to be re-acquainted with the pleasure that we feel during sexy time. Pag alam mo na, you can teach him, or make him watch you do it! For sure, that would take you out of the routine.
4. MOMOL. (make out-make out lang). Minsan, when you’re both tired and not in the mood for it, you really don’t need to go all in sexy time. Minsan, kissing, cuddling, and canoodling each other are enough to keep that excitement alive. So don’t pressure yourself too much. What’s important is that you and your hubby are connected – in more ways than one.

Have fun!

With love and lust,

Rica

* * *

If you have questions on love and sex that you want me to answer, follow me on Twitter and Instagram: @_ricacruz and www.facebook.com/TheSexyMind

Biography: Rica Cruz is a Licensed Psychologist and Sex Therapist. She comes out as the Resident Sex Therapist on Boys’ Night Out every Thursday night on Magic 89.9.