Dear Manay Gina,
I love my boyfriend but we can’t seem to stop arguing about almost everything. After analyzing our situation, we have accepted that maybe, we are just both insecure and not yet too trusting of each other. Each of our arguments ends in a relatively loving and hopeful way, but the fights continue.
I know that I want to be with him, but I don’t know how to properly communicate. What do you think we should do?
Marlene
Dear Marlene,
From what I gather in your letter, you two have some core problems – your mutual insecurity and combativeness.
Given the givens, you both need to communicate more effectively. First thing to remember is this: Stop talking during a time of very high stress, and wait until your heart rate goes down. Second, be an active listener. This means that you should concentrate on what he is saying instead of thinking about your your comeback while he is talking. And then, calm yourself before you speak, so that you can formulate your response. If your partner interrupts, stop speaking and wait.
More importantly, you should learn to acknowledge your mistakes. if you think you’re wrong, accept it. Accept responsibility for your own negative actions and ask for forgiveness. And if all else fail, seek the help of a guidance counselor or an elder couple who have faced the same problem.
With affection,
Manay Gina
* * *
“The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance.” – Nathaniel Branden
Send questions to dearmanay[email protected]
