Dear Manay Gina,
I just caught my husband lying about a purchase he made, an expensive gadget for gaming. At first, he said that it was a gift. And now that he’s been found out, he decided that he no longer wants to speak to me or have anything to do with me.
The thing is: He’s a computer game addict. As is, he spends so much of family time playing computer games. I worry about his health and the over-all impact of his addiction to our family. We have two young kids. What should I do?
Ellen
Dear Ellen,
It’s important to have fun but it shouldn’t take over our lives. The fact is, only the addict can decide for himself to quit if he is to have any hope of making a permanent recovery. He should commit to making a change for the better.
As a wife, you must stop being an enabler, both physically and emotionally. He simply must experience the consequences of his actions. This means refraining from doing anything that makes his life comfortable while he plays – such as bringing him meals, cleaning his mess or covering for him. You can also stop arguing, pleading or trying to gain his attention because these ways will only send the message that he is desperately missed, and that may lead him to assume that his behavior isn’t so bad after all.
No matter what happens, look after you. Pay yourself the attention and love that you are not receiving from your partner. Treat yourself with kindness and you will be in a much stronger position to care for those that depend on you. You are not the product of someone else’s addiction. You are you, and you deserve to be safe, healthy and happy.
With affection,
Manay Gina
“Life is a series of baby steps along the way and if you add up these tiny little steps you take toward your goal, whatever it is, whether it’s giving up something, a terrible addiction or trying to work your way through an illness. When you total up those baby steps you’d be amazed over the course of 10 years, the strides you’ve taken.” – HodaKotb
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