Hi Ma’am Rica,
I need your advise po, I was involved in a friends with benefits situation pero na in-love po ako. I told him about it and we started going out. Pero last January, he started not to talk to me po. Sabi niya, he can only continue our relationship as friends. Tapos po, I know this is pathetic, pero I asked him if he could give me a child. Thirty-seven na po kasi ako and I’m starting to worry, kaya ko po naisip ‘yun. Kapag nag-uusap po kami na magkikita kami, palagi na siyang may excuse. I think it’s because of what I asked him. Sabi niya po kasi hindi pa siya ready. Ms. Rica, I need your help po. Ano pong gagawin ko?
Confused Wana Be Momma
Hello Confused Wana Be Momma,
Thank you for sharing your story with us. Mukha ngang confused ka dahil hindi mo alam how to get him back. My question to you is – do you want to have him back for the sake of having a baby or do you want to get back together with him because you love him? Ano ba ang primary intention mo?
It’s true that for women who want to have babies, being older could set your biological clock ticking. But studies have shown na dahil sa mga advances in our technology and healthcare, parami na ng parami ang mga babae who could give birth at an older age.
Kaya hindi ka dapat matakot. Kung pagkakaroon talaga ng anak ang gusto mo, hindi ba’t mas maigi kung makakahanap ka ng partner na willing kang bigyan ng anak?
Mula kasi sa kuwento mo, mukha ngang natakot ang ex-boyfriend mo sa preposition mong magkaroon ng anak with him. This means that he’s not ready for that. Regardless if you’re going to raise the baby by yourself, having a biological child could of course give a certain psychological responsibility to the father.
At mukhang hindi pa niya kaya yun. Also, he broke up with you, which means, hindi niya gustong ipagpatuloy magkaroon ng intimate relationship with you, much more to be a father of your child.
Siguro at this time, instead of trying to figure out how to win him back, it may be more helpful to you both if you give yourselves space from each other. You need to respect his decision kasi it was already established from the start na friends with benefits lang dapat kayo.
It may also be better for you to move forward. Malay mo, andiyan lang sa tabi-tabi ang lalaking mamahalin mo at magbibigay ng anak sa’yo? You’ll never know kung pagpipilitan mo ang sarilimo sa lalaking clearly, hindi pa ready sa mga gusto mong mangyari. Hope that helps! Good luck!
With love and lust,
Rica
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Rica Cruz is a Licensed Psychologist, Sex and Relationships Therapist, and Sex Educator. She opines that sexual empowerment for Filipinos is sexier than sex.
You can catch more of her every Thursday at Boys’ Night Out, Magic 89.9 and follow her at facebook.com/TheSexyMind and @_ricacruz in Twitter and IG and subscribe to her podcast, bit.ly/conservativeako on Spotify.
