BY MARILYN C. ARAYATA
The kind of relationship you will have with your children when they become adults and the kind of persons they will become depend largely on how you treat them while they are young. The following reminders will help you teach them about trust, acceptance, responsibility, and encouragement.
Accept your children’s imperfections, weaknesses, and failures. Never make them feel inadequate just because they cannot meet your expectations. Encourage them to do their best and avoid comparing them to other children. Your understanding and acceptance will motivate them to try harder next time. Hurting words will continue to inflict pain long after you said them and might just push the children to give up.
Allow children to express their feelings. It’s scary when their emotions are bottled up. They might explode later. The children might also confide in the wrong persons who will lead them to unhealthy forms of escape. Listen to your children. When they stop talking, they probably think that adults will not listen and understand, anyway. Help them understand what they feel in a clear and non-threatening way.
Highlight the benefits of a choice, value, or hobby which you want for your children. Set an example. Robert Fulghum says, “Don’t worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.”
Assign age-appropriate tasks that will make your children feel capable and responsible. Set a definite schedule for each task. Appreciate their commitment and progress. Parents who over function and allow themselves and the househelp to do everything should not be surprised to see their children turn into adults who shun responsibility.
Keep your promises, no matter how small. Say what you mean and do what you say. Be there for your children, especially when they are hurting and suffering. You are their strength when they are weak. It’s difficult for children to trust adults who break their promises and who are always unavailable.
