Hi Ms. Rica,
Please answer my question. I need help kasi I’ve had different sexual experiences but lately, hindi ako matapos-tapos. If I ejaculate, it’s after mga 45 minutes of activity. I can make it hard and erect, but for some reason, I can’t come. Hindi ko kaya mag-orgasm even through different ways. Hand, oral or kahit penetration won’t work. Pero pag mag-masturbate ako, kaya naman! What can I do?
Frustrated Non-Comer
Hello Frustrated Non-Comer,
I’m sorry that you’re not enjoying your sexual escapades. Having said that, there may be a number of approaches that you can take for you to ejaculate again, depending on the reason. This is not hopeless. May pagasa pa. When it takes a long period (around 30-45 minutes) of stimulation for someone to ejaculate, this person may be experiencing what we call delayed ejaculation (DE). There are a number of causes for DE, and it can be physical, psychological, and even emotional.
Non-physical causes may include your mental health condition. Are you stressed? Depressed? Or are you experiencing anxiety? Also, kung may problema kayo ng partner mo in the relationship and you have poor communication with one another, pwede rin ito makaapekto with your enjoyment. Aside from these, having a low self-esteem and having a negative body image can also hinder your orgasmic capability. All these can actually prevent you from enjoying your sexual act and completing an orgasm. Physical-wise, your trouble ejaculating may also be because of certain medications and substances that you’re taking. Umiinom ka ba nang madalas? Do you smoke? Are you taking drugs? These things, aside from your age, current health, and other factors should also be taken in account when evaluating your sexual functioning.
From your letter, it sounds like your difficulty in achieving orgasm comes from your conditioning of yourself. Sabi mo, kapag nag-mamasturbate ka ay kaya mo matapos, pero kapag may iba nang kasama, ay hindi na. This means that you may have been so used to your own hands and how you stimulate yourself to orgasm kaya this is the only way for you to achieve climax.
So what can you do? I suggest that you try to lessen your masturbation escapades by yourself. Para masanay ka na mag-orgasm with a partner, kailangan ay gradually mo rin siya isasama sa iyong sexy play. Next time na magmasturbate ka, include your partner and let her watch while you masturbate and come. Then maybe, the next time you do it, she can be the one to play with you, and you can teach her what stimulates you. The point is, you need to recondition your mind and your body by telling it that masturbating isn’t the only way to come. You need to show your penis that there are “other hands” too. Additionally, have you tried doing sexual activities in which ejaculation isn’t the goal? Baka kasi napepressure ka to orgasm kaya hindi ka nag-o-orgasm. Either way, this may be the best time for you to explore your sexuality with your girlfriend without adding pressure to ejaculate. Usually, when you’re most comfortable and relaxed, that’s the time that orgasms are easier to achieve. Good luck!
With love and lust,
Rica
If you have questions on love and sex that you want me to answer, follow me on Twitter and Instagram: @_ricacruz and www.facebook.com/TheSexyMind
Biography: Rica Cruz is a Licensed Psychologist and Sex Therapist. She comes out as the Resident Sex Therapist on Boys’ Night Out every Thursday night on Magic 89.9.
