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Reinforce the good stuff

Dear Manay Gina,
I think there are people, who are really bossy. My husband is one of them. He would always tell me the kind of activities that I should pursue. And when I complain about his behavior, he reasons that it’s part of my role to obey him. He thinks he’s being the leader of our family but I think he’s being over-controlling. Am I wrong to resist his demands?


Dear Rowena,

The answer is “No”. Of course you feel disrespected by your husband’s autocratic demands. His reasoning may be due to a slanted idea of what his headship and your submission are supposed to look like. Your husband wants your respect and he wants you to follow him. Unfortunately, he doesn’t realize that he can’t demand that kind of respect, he has to command it by his loving character.

Meanwhile, what can you do? Pray for him. And each time he makes these demands, respond graciously but not as a child who has to obey a parent.

Help him redefine what could make you respect his leadership. Explain that in marriage, the wife submits voluntarily to her husband’s SENSITIVE and LOVING leadership. And the wife’s loving, forgiving, and submitting to her husband do not mean that you will become a doormat or indefinitely tolerate significantly destructive behavior.

Building oneness in marriage works best when both partners choose to fulfill their responsibilities voluntarily, with no pressure or coercion. And when he does behave in ways that cultivate your respect, let him know. It can’t hurt to reinforce the good stuff.


Manay Gina

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“Don’t let the negativity given to you by the world disempower you. Instead give to yourself that which empowers you.” – Les Brown

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Send questions to dearmanaygina@yahoo.com (Gina de Venecia)