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Dear Manay Gina,
My boyfriend is younger than me by eight years. Our relationship is nine months old now. I love him because he is nice and funny. However, he had, on several occasions, spoken of marriage and his desire to have children with me.
All the while, he knew that I am medically incapable of bearing a child. When I finally broke down and inquired why he kept talking about children, he said he “would gladly sacrifice having children” just to be with me.
I don’t want him to “sacrifice” anything, especially children. To complicate things a little more, I am 43. I can’t help but feel that I’m robbing him of the chance to be a father. What do I do about this concern?
Your gentleman has a disconnect somewhere. It is either immaturity or ambivalence. You have informed him of the medical realities, yet he continues to bring up the subject, then, offers to “sacrifice” having a family. This issue, plus the age difference could develop into major trouble down the line.
You must establish whether he is totally willing to forgo fathering his own children, whether adoption is in his thinking and how he feels about the age difference. (And, mind you, time could change these views.) Then, you must explore with him why he returns to a subject that you believe has been settled. Sometimes people are unaware of what they are really feeling, and seemingly involuntary conversational clues have real meaning. Talk some more.
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“Age is the acceptance of a term of years. But maturity is the glory of years.”
– Martha Graham
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