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Dear Manay Gina,
I’m a widow in my mid-30s. My husband died a few months ago but I don’t feel too much of grief. Life with him had been full of ups and downs, mostly downs. I reached the point where I hated him so much I wanted him to die (or at least go away). There were no kids since we were married only for a few years. Now, all I feel is relief. Is this normal? It amazes me how functional I am. What do you think about this?
I can’t say if it’s “normal,” but it certainly is honest. Your frankness about the situation is something many people would go to great lengths to hide. We are conditioned to appear bereft after a death, even when that is not reflective of our actual feelings. There is always the possibility, of course, that you will collapse down the line with some kind of a delayed response, if only to let out the emotion of having lived through it all. But people feel what they feel, so don’t beat yourself up about not feeling grief or reacting as you think you are “supposed to.”
Given the particulars of your brief marriage, it would be tempting to imagine that fate stepped in to extricate you.
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“Attitude is your acceptance of the natural laws, or your rejection of the natural laws.” – Stuart Chase
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Send questions to firstname.lastname@example.org (Gina de Venecia)