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Dear Manay Gina,
I’ve been together with my wife for over 11 years. As with most couples, I guess the passion is starting to recede.
However, although I am sexually attracted to her and I find sex with her pleasant, she prefers sex according to an ordinary “blueprint,” which honestly is very predictable and has become less exciting for me.
Although I have at times hinted about my own need for some variation, due to her history of some minor sexual abuse trauma in her past, I am hesitant to “push the envelope” any further. The discontent I feel about sex is relatively minor, but it’s growing stronger over time. What would you suggest?
Because you are hesitant to “push the envelope” and are tiring of the “blueprint,” the thing to do is encourage this great girl. You’ve been married for 11 years and I’d hope you’d be able to freely communicate with each other. So, why don’t you just sit down with her, and talk about all of this? Just let her know everything you’re feeling, and try to be open about it.
If all else fail, do convince her to let a professional counselor help her separate sex with someone she loves from the unpleasant history. The fact that you two have sex means that she is capable of progress. Something else that might be useful is to have a professional guide you with some approaches about how best to “push the envelope.”
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“Love can make a summer fly, or a night seem like a lifetime.” – Andrew Lloyd Webber
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Send questions to email@example.com (Gina de Venecia)