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How to bring the mood back

By: Rica Cruz

Hi Ms. Rica,
My BF and I are more than four years na in a relationship. Before, we would make out once a month. Then, even if it’s just once a month, bigla pang tumigil. It has been almost a year, and wala pa rin nangyayari sa amin. Parang wala lang siyang gana. I really really miss him badly. Kahit ung kiss niya namimiss ko. Is there something wrong with me?

Please give me tips or advice on how can I get back his “sexual desire” towards me.

Ms. J

Hi Ms. J,
Most people would think that men do not suffer from low libido because they’re “men.” Pero, the reality is that men also suffer from not having the desire to have sexy time.

Usually, women feel insecure and blame themselves for it because of how the society dictates that men should always be “in the mood.”

Pero, hindi ito totoo. Do not blame yourself. There is nothing wrong with you.

There are different reasons kung bakit parang wala nang gana ang boyfriend mo – both physical and emotional.

One could be due to hormonal imbalance, habang tumatanda ang mga lalaki, may phase na bumababa ang testosterone levels nila. Pwede ring medical condition, like diabetes.

Pwede ring galing sa pagod at stress sa trabaho at sa relationship ninyo. All of these can be factors kung bakit walang gana ang boyfriend mo. So don’t blame yourself.

In fact, you are very courageous and loving to think of ways to ignite that passion.

Here are some things that you can do to help him get his mojo back:

– Encourage him to see a doctor: Some medications and medical conditions can be detrimental for the libido. Also, aside from low testosterone levels, low sexual desire can be attributed to anxiety due to performance and sexual function. Kapag na-address un ng doctor, malaki ang chance na ganahan ulit siya.

– Exercise together: When you exercise together, it just doesn’t make you healthier it can also bring you closer as a couple. Exercising can also help in relieving his stress. Plus all that adrenaline, energy, and sweat can turn up the heat when you’re together.

– Initiate sex: Na try mo na ba na ikaw ang humalik at pumatong sa kaniya? Maybe it’s time you do. Kiss him passionately, surprise him! Try making pa-cute! How about talking dirty? If you make him feel sexy and wanted, there’s a high chance that he will be in the mood for you.

– Talk about it: If you want more sexy time with him, you have to tell him. Pero, don’t do it in an accusatory manner. Most men would feel attacked if you insult him. Kailangan malambing pa rin. Parang, “Baby, I miss you. We haven’t kissed for so long. What can I do to help you get that desire back?”

– Consider therapy: If you feel that he still (and his Manoy) still won’t budge. It might be time to go to therapy.

Minsan kasi, may mga bagay na hindi kayang pagusapan na kayong dalawa lang. In therapy, you both can discuss your sexual problems and behaviors – masturbation habits, fantasies, porn use – that could help in resolving your problem.

Hope that helps!

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If you have questions on love and sex that you want me to answer, you may message me at www.facebook.com/TheSexyMind or DM me on Instagram: _ricacruz.

Biography: Rica Cruz is a Licensed Psychologist and Sex Therapist. She comes out as the Resident Sex Therapist on Boys’ Night Out every Thursday night on Magic 89.9.