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Confused virgin

by Rica Cruz

Dear Rica:

I’m 23-years-old and I had sexual relations na po before pero oral sex lang. I have a new boyfriend now and we experiment from time to time. Is it important po that I tell him I’m still a virgin? Paano po ba malalaman if I’m also ready to do it with him?


Dear Virgin,

Sounds like you’re in a tricky situation considering na bago pa lang kayo ng boyfriend mo. Yes, choosing what to tell him can be a tough decision as you’re still gauging the level of trust that you can give him.

Also, talking about your sexual experience can open doors to talking about each other’s past, and that can be a tough one to accept, if one of you is not secure in the relationship.

Nevertheless, I’m a firm believer of honesty and open communication in a relationship. The earlier you lay your cards out and you become comfortable to trust each other completely, the easier it is for you both to build a strong foundation for your relationship.

Sabi mo, you’re already experimenting sexually with him. Kaya, I would really suggest that having a certain level of comfort and security is important, especially if you’re already considering to have intercourse with him. Bago ka magdecide, here are a few questions to think of:

  • Are you ready to have intercourse?
  • Do you want to have intercourse with this person?
  • What kind of relationship do you want this person?
  • Do you feel any pressure to have sex? If you do, where do you think this pressure is coming from?
  • How do you plan to protect yourselves during sex?

Answering these questions may help you have a clearer picture of what you really want in terms of your relationship and help you prepare to have a safer and pleasurable sex experience.

Mas mabuti kasing prepared ka at buo ang loob mo sa gagawin mong desisyon.

Also, if you plan to tell your partner your sexual status, mas madali siguro if you both will also talk about your expectations for your relationship.

Other things that you may want to discuss to make things smooth for you are birth control and pregnancy; sexually transmitted infections and preferred forms of protection; and other sexual experiences that are pleasurable and unpleasurable.

Kung kaya mo na makipagusap about these things, then it’s a good indicator that you’re willing to move to the next level with this person.

Pero kung sa tingin mo ay nahihiya ka pa and you feel that your partner might have a negative reaction, then I would suggest that you give yourself some time until you fully trust him. Good luck. #takeitfromthesexymind

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If you have questions on love and sex that you want me to answer, you may message me at www.facebook.com/TheSexyMind or DM me on Instagram: @_ricacruz.

Biography: Rica Cruz is a Licensed Psychologist, Marriage Counselor, and Sex Therapist. She comes out as the Resident Psychologist on Boys’ Night Out every Thursday night on Magic 89.9.