Hi Ms. Rica,
Mag-five years na po kami ng boyfriend ko. Sobrang love po namin ang isa’t-isa and feeling ko, kami na po talaga ang mag-end up together. Napaguusapan na po namin magpakasal. Pero po narinig ko kayo minsan sa radyo at sabi niyo po ay dapat hindi nag-fake ng orgasm. Sa five years po namin magkasama, madalas po, actually, palagi po akong nag-fake ng orgasm. Hindi pa po ako nag-orgasm kasama niya. Pero pag ako po magisa ay kaya ko. Ang tanong ko po ay: Kailangan ko ba to sabihin sa kaniya? Hindi ba siya mahuhurt? Baka po magalit siya? Hindi ko lang po talaga alam gagawin ko.
Cannot Come
Hello Cannot Come,
I’m sorry that you’re feeling this way. Mukhang gusto mo na ng pagbabago at ayaw mo nang i-mislead ang boyfriend mo. Kung ito nga ang desisyon mo, telling him the truth is a start for the both of you to change the situation.
Tama ka, one of my advocacies is to make women feel na importante ang kanilang sexual pleasure in any sexual relationship. Kadalasan kasi ay hindi na ito nabibigyang halaga. One way to do that is to make sure that your orgasms are genuine.
According to statistics, almost half of women fake their orgasms. Nagiging problematic ito dahil hindi natutugunan ang pleasure ng babae kapag finafake ang orgasm.
Nagbibigay din ito ng maling paniniwala sa mga partner nila na sila ay nappleasure kahit hindi naman talaga. Kaya paulit-ulit nila itong gagawin, at paulit-ulit ring kailangan mag-fake ng orgasm ang mga babae. It becomes a bad cycle.
To avoid this, kailangan talaga ay masabi mo sa iyong partner ang iyong situation. Pero siyempre, there’s a way to say it nang hindi nakakasakit sa ego ng iyong boyfriend.
I suggest that before you do this ay may plano o outline ka na ng iyong sasabihin. You may start by mentioning your hesitations kung bakit hindi mo nasabi sa kaniya nang mas maaga ang iyong feelings.
Puwede mo ring sabihin sa kaniya ‘yung mga rason for faking it. Maybe you can use what you wrote to me to come up withwhat you will tell your boyfriend. Nabasa ko nang buo ang letter mo, at tagos siya sa puso.
It may also be comforting for him to remind him of the things that you like about him and that you appreciate about him during your talk para hindi niya maramdaman na may pagkukulang siya sa iyo.
You can also frame it in such a way na i-invite mo siya to a fun sexy time where you can both explore each other at puwede mo siya maturuan ng moves to make you orgasm. In that regard, mas maeexcite siya sa sexy time niyo kaysa matakot.
Puwede mo rin itanong sa kaniya kung ano ba ang gusto pa niyang idagdag o gawin sa iyong sex life so he won’t feel that everything is about you.
Telling your boyfriend the truth is an important first step to strengthening your sexual relationship and becoming more certain na siya na talaga ang iyong partner for life. What’s important is that the both of you are open and honest with each other, especially on things that would make you want to enjoy and together.
With love and lust,
Rica
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Rica Cruz is a Licensed Psychologist, Sex and Relationships Therapist, Sex Educator. She opines that sexual empowerment for Filipinos is sexier than sex.
You can catch more of her every Thursday at Boys’ Night Out, Magic 89.9 and follow her at facebook.com/TheSexyMind and @_ricacruz in Twitter and IG and subscribe to her YouTube channel, Count To Ten and podcast, Conservative Ako on Anchor and Spotify.
